The Invinsible Me

The eternal "I" specialist! I, Me, Myself...these words are always on the forefront in many a mind. "I did it...", "I was thinking...", "I was going to...", "I want to...", "I wish...", "I am better than...". I too am a culprit of all of the above, and then some!

Planning freak, control freak, I-can-do-this freak, nothing's-too-big-for-me freak...yeah that's me. When I was younger it was a challenge to do things on my own; as I grew up I didn't really want to depend on anybody for anything; marriage brought a travelling spouse, so I gladly stepped into the house pants; then followed motherhood-need I say more?!

I don't know when it became an obsession, not the necessity I thought it was. So much so that I would hate to even admit that I had fever or was unwell or just plain tired. Once you reach that stage, then it starts eroding your peace of mind and the constant pressure of being on it just gets to you. Yes...the beginning of "lifestyle related orders" as the doctors call it...this is where the disorderly list begins and takes over your life.

Just maybe...I am not Superwoman, I may be wrong, I may not be in control all the time, maybe, just maybe I am human! I have my limits, my insecurities, my vulnerabilities, my weaknesses. Dealing with these take courage and strength...something which I always thought I had in abundance, remember? But, maybe, just maybe, I need some help. The help which was always available but I never reached out for it. It's time to open the shutters of my mind, the doors to my life, the windows to my soul. It's about time to wake up and smell the coffee (oops! it's hot chocolate in case you've been diagnosed with hyperacidity along with the rest on that damn list!)   

Healing is a great process. Shedding all the excess baggage, allowing yourself to listen to others, giving common sense a chance, loving yourself from within, respecting all the good fortune that has been showered on you, being at peace with who you are and re-activating that never-say-die spirit that lead you here in the first place...of course with enough warnings to that spirit to behave itself this time around! Look closer and you will see the eternal Buddhist principle of "Oneness of life & environment" at work. Once the change starts from within, the entire force of nature gives you another chance.

The new mantra to embrace...love yourself, live guilt-free, live life today, hang on to what's important, leave the rest behind. One wise sister told me, "move forward, not just move on", another wise one said, "you may look back to the past, but don't you go back there" and yet another evolved one told me to chant, "this too shall pass, this too shall pass"! With such awesome advise, tell me need anyone suffer anymore? Duh?

 Can I stop being myself? Never! Can I try and listen to reason and give myself a break? Maybe! Can I live my life today and spread some hope and happiness? Most definitely yes!